Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
