It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
