Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
