he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
