Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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