I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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