the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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