just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
