Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing