I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry