I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
