i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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