he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this will be a night to untag.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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