My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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