you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I touched a dick in church today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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