Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
