I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
