I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
not ubering you a puppy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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