I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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