There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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