Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They took my balls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you never un-have a 4some
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
