I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
