I want to make a zoo with you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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