would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
