New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
