phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
