WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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