hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
