Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
