Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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