i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
