For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
