dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
