thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
