If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
