I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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