im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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