the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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