Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
