Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
