dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
