I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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