Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
