This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
