Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
