oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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