Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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