i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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