Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
