it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
