dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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