I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
birth control should be required to get into college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
