we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
