just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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