I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
