Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
