saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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