No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
