chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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