he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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