My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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