When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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