do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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