Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
