He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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