I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
its liver damage thursday
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
