i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
